


You were my friend (now no longer)

by Meiyanaalexia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I wanted something real sad for them, M/M, and most of them are sad, idk why though, it's just that i wanna write out those headcanons in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meiyanaalexia/pseuds/Meiyanaalexia
Summary: Ushijima messes up, a friendship is thrown off and a heart will remain bruised forever.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 56





	You were my friend (now no longer)

**Author's Note:**

> Trust takes year to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.

Tendou has always had issues with his father because the latter constantly found a way to put pressure on him by berating him and telling him he’s not enough. His mother often told him to avoid keeping this to himself, it will inevitably destroy him from the inside out if he does. 

So, in a moment of vulnerability, the red haired boy empties his chest on Ushijima's shoulder. His best friend whom he knows he can trust with all his secrets.

This, sadly, proves to be wrong on a banal day when they’re revising for upcoming tests. 

Tendou, having no energy to focus on his work and already bored from it, starts humming softly to himself at first then increases the volume gradually and unconsciously which distracts Ushijima and leads him to lash out at the red haired unexpectedly

“Stop messing around for once and make an actual effort”

He adds nonchalently “I understand now why your father is disappointed with you, with that attitude you’ll never amount to anything”

  


The hurtful impact of his words don't hit him until he hears a small gasp and glances up to see Tendou's shocked face and welled up eyes. Eyes wide with panic and guilt, the ace then scrambles to apologize but his friend, unreceptive to his pleas, just shakes his head, throws him an unforgettable look - a look that is sure to haunts Ushijima for countless nights - and leave without even taking his belongings.

  


Weeks after, Ushijima, who still has not managed to catch Tendou to apologize, is left on his own to wallow in constant guilt and shame. Regret has become a familiar feeling to him as he wander about like a soulless shell. 

How could he have been so heartless? Tendou trusted him with his most intimate fears and there he went and used them against him to have the higher ground in a meaningless fit of irritability.

Ushijima is certain that if Tendou ever has the clemency to forgive him after that, he would never forgive himself; because, how could he? he’s been a jerk to the person who cared the most about him and let him down when he needed him the most.

A silver of hope shines in his heart when he finally succeeds to find Tendou and isolate him to talk things through. Surely, his friend would take the time to hear him out and, despite his initial shock and justified disappointement, would accept to give him a second chance and laugh with him again, ending this nightmare altogether.

Because this is who Tendou is, he is forgiving, caring and patient. 

  


Ushijima's hopes, however, come crashing down when Tendou who’s usually so tolerant doesn’t even wanna hear a word of his reasoning and, to make a point, shove past him as hard as he can on his way out. 

Pained and dejected, Ushijima can do nothing but stay frozen in his spot. The consequence of his action hitting him in the face once more along with the crushing realization that he'll never be able to make things right ever again, no matter what he does or how hard he tries.

  


He lost his only friend and he has no one to blame for that but himself.

  


  


Tendou felt deception, anger and sadness wash over him all at once when Ushijima's words registered in his brain at that moment; but, most especially he felt betrayed. 

Betrayed because this subject is a sore spot that he never told anyone about before and, by exposing him to it, he trusted Ushijima to fully support him and take his side.  


  


So how else is he supposed to feel when the first person, his closest friend of all people, he tells it to ends up using it as a leverage against him to win an unprompted argument.  


Even in times when Tendou thinks he can put this behind him to get some rest, the words come back and repeat themselves in his head on a loop not unlike a devil whose sole purpose is to torture him and mock him for opening up and trusting others.

  


How could Wakatoshi say this? How? Didn’t he value his feelings, did their friendship meant so little to him?

  


This event brought all of his insecurities back to the surface and kept him up all night thinking. If it's Ushijima who said this then he must certainly mean it, he’s just blunt in that way - and even if he does apologize for his statements he never take them back - which makes it harder to forgive him; although, on the other hand, he really misses his friend a lot and everything feels empty and dull without him. 

He misses their one sided conversations accompanied by Ushijima's nodding and humming, assuring him that he is paying attention, his occasional smiles at silly jokes and quips Tendou would make but, most especially, he misses their routine and the comfortableness that settled beteween them as the years piled on.

  


Day after day, Tendou kept struggling and wrestling with the tough dilemma of whether he should forgive his friend or not; and, in all honesty, he doesn’t even know if he will ever be able to answer this question.

  


It's been so long, he forgot what it's like to call a friend "home".

**Author's Note:**

> *Appears 3 years later from a long hiatus with a fic* Hey i am back (somehow) and I still suck at summaries and this is what happens when my late night inspiration pushes me to write angst to finally voice out my headcanon and fuel my gremlin desires so i hope you will enjoy it anyway!


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